Have I married
the wrong person?

by Nikki Bray

Have you ever wondered that you might have married the wrong person?

Often when we fall in love, we do so because that person is different from us. We enjoy and appreciate those differences because they bring freshness and diversity to our lives. And then we get married. After marriage, what happens?

Those differences that once attracted us now are like two magnets repelling one another. Over time, those differences can get so bad you can wonder, “Did I marry the right person?”

Before we got married...

Before we were married, I loved Andy’s outgoing bubbly personality. He was so easy to talk to. But after we were married, I asked myself,

“Will he ever let me finish my sentence?” 

Before we were married, Andy loved the way I was such a great listener. But after we were married he wished I would share more, and not run away from an argument.

Before marriage, I thought he was a high-achiever and a goal-setter. But after we were married I just wanted a weekend without a “to do” list so I could just read my book!

And so the list goes on….I’m sure you get the picture.

Has my attitude changed?

Before marriage, we appreciated those differences. But after marriage … well. So what has changed? Often, it’s just our attitude.

Ruth Graham was interviewed by a reporter and was asked if there was anything she’d like to see changed in her husband Billy. I like what she said: She said,

“Why yes, but I learned early on in my marriage that my job was to love Billy and it was God’s job to change him.” 

There’s a real lesson for us all, whether we are talking about our spouse or simply others in our world. It’s not our job to change someone, it’s God’s. We are commanded to love them – no matter what their differences.

It’s easy for us to focus on the differences of our spouse as a negative trait. In other words to view ourselves as right and our partner as wrong. But it’s absolutely vital that we understand that differences are not right or wrong, they are merely different.

And I do believe that I’m a more rounded, more complete person as a result of the differences that Andy has brought to our marriage and my life.

One Final Thought?

When you’re faced with a situation that points out the differences between you and your mate, remember that while he’s not perfect he is God’s perfect gift to you. God can help you learn to love and accept your spouse just as he (or she) is.